Close-up Culture have compiled a list of our 20 least favourite songs from movie musicals. We’ve tried our hardest not to list the entire soundtrack for Cats.
20. Cool As Ice (Everybody Get Loose) – Cool As Ice (1991)
Five minutes of Vanilla Ice rapping and throwing shapes is mildly enjoyable, but Naomi Campbell’s vocals on an awful hook make this a slog to get through.
19. Shiny – Moana (2016)
Just because it’s a villain’s song doesn’t mean it needs to be irritating to the point of wanting to leave the cinema.
18. Too Much —Spice World (1997)
The theme song for a disastrous movie musical.
17. Barney, The Song – Barney’s Great Adventure (1998)
This song is too bland and dreary to belong in a children’s movie. Poor Barney!
16. Timeless To Me – Hairspray (2007)
If only Christopher Walken was as good at singing as he is at monologues.
15. Who’s That Guy – Grease 2 (1982)
Some fun motorcycle action can’t rescue this insipid song.
14. Showbizness – The Apple (1980)
There’s a lot going on in this song, unfortunately none of it is watchable.
13. High Times, Hard Times – Newsies (1992)
It’s hard times listening to this song and the entire soundtrack for Newsies.
12. We’re Gonna Score Tonight – Grease 2 (1982)
This song needs Walter from The Big Lebowski to enforce the rules and put an end to this bizarre number.
11. Sweet Lovin’ Friends – Rhinestone (1984)
Not even Dolly Parton can cover up Sly’s terrible singing and this miserable song.
10. Do The Bim – The Apple (1980)
“There ain’t no pleasure, there ain’t no pain.” – Only half this lyric is true to the song.
9. Marry The Mole – Thumbelina (1994)
A rodent tries to persuade a tiny woman to marry a mole in a piercingly bad song.
8. Reproduction – Grease 2 (1982)
Almost four minutes of unbearable vocals and lame innuendos.
7. Speed – The Apple (1980)
The only speed this song needs is the fast forward button.
6. Drinkenstein – Rhinestone (1984)
This song is enough to make you root for Ivan Drago in Rocky IV.
5. Wish Upon A Star – From Justin To Kelly (2003)
This song is basically an awful X Factor audition that somehow snuck its way into a movie.
4. Jellicle – Cats (2019)
Baffling and irritating. Jellicle starts Cats off on a perfectly batshit crazy note.
3. The Rum Tum Tugger – Cats (2019)
Jason Derulo’s knee slides can’t distract us from this haunting song.
2. The Old Gumbie – Cats (2019)
Marching cockroaches and Rebel Wilson’s hideous singing combine to create an unforgettable nightmare.
1. Bustopher Jones – Cats (2019)
In this song, James Corden’s character falls into a trash bin. That’s exactly where this gratingly unfunny song belongs.